4/28/2006
noone but me from URL @ 10:07 PM
approaching fifteen.
and so, this'll be my last post as a fourteen year old,
not that it's gna be one of significance anyway.
HMMM. fourteen.
i dont really remember much. (or maybe i do?)
full marks for a number of maths tests. i rememeber mr lam, mrs tai. the precious ndp rehearsals. running to school for morning pts. staying back playing the piano. getting high over her, people getting high over others. hurting someone. loveing someone. missing someone so much. crying at night. smiling at school. the laughter. sus's moodswings. our sickness. our cheap entertainment. mindy&mandy mock. my pools. the screams the frustrations the disappointment in drills. orienteering com. shooting com. the tears for everything. fakers. the friendship i thought almost perfect. decisions. loneliness. the bravo us. studying into the night. studying at changi airport. east coast park. my empty room. my empty house.
my memories. say gooodbye. they wont last, probably except the boldened.
hmmm
i miss, GERALDINECHAI. morning pts. our sickness. getting high over someone.
i miss east coast. i miss climbing the trees. i miss our wee hour conversations. i miss coming home for a reason. i miss knowing someone'd be there for me. i miss knowing that i had a friend next door. i miss knowing that i had a friend in my room. i miss you.
i miss pumpings. i miss my pools. i miss endless drills. i miss the motivations. i miss the atmosphere. i miss loitering. i miss not having to have known.
i miss not having to have known. oh boy, i do.
these were just what popped into my head. fourteen.
you'll think you've got great friends.
you'll think you're strong.
you'll think that mask wont crack.
you'll think you're alright.
you'll think you can run away.
you'll think it wont be too bad in the end.
you'll think life sucks.
you'll think there isnt a reason to live.
well, i can say this for sure. NONSENSE.
maybe its just me, but oh boy-
look at the denial i was living in.
HA HA.
adlin: life doesn't suck. its you who suck. yea man, let it hit you hard. if things screw up; its not life. its just you. yes, you. WAKE UP. GET UP. the world's moving on. with or without you. yea man. fourteen years. i learnt life is but a silver platter. life is but a silver platter. -but cheers! it ain't that bad huh. come what come may; time and hour runs through the roughest day.
4/27/2006
noone but me from URL @ 10:03 PM
UNBREAK MY HEART. SAY YOU LOVE ME, AGAIN. -and then i saw her his face, and i'm a believer! i'm in a kinda good mood. oh well, i think my brother is maturing and that makes me happy. i can actually, really talk to him now. like- talk. i don't know why, but that makes me happy. maybe i've realised the worth of family it being subjective. meandmybrother. mybrotherandme. we're all we ever need. (: -and my doggie too.
4/20/2006
noone but me from URL @ 9:01 PM
DAMN my emathsamathsandchem.
and i needed only 1/2 more mark for chem, OKAY. sheesh.
if only the minus sign changed to plus, if only i had written,
"cannot conduct electricity in ANY STATE", for TWO questions. so pissed off okay. sheesh.
and if only i hadn't cancelled that point of mine. IF ONLYs.
no point regretting, and im not.
haha, what a note to start my post on. but nevertheless, im feeling good. (: my eng lit and ssgeog were good. yeap, im gna focus on my good points and limit my moaning and groaning and grunting (that i learnt frm nat, too) to about 3hrs from getting the test back. or less, duh. and tomorrow's sports day. a few chants? for me. 800800800800800800800800800800800800800 cannotlastcannotlastcannotlastcannotlastcannotlastcannot. and i mean cannot get last positon, not that i wont last. for 3i. 4x4004x1004x4004x1004x4004x1004x4004x100 firstfirstfirstfirstfirstfirstfirstfirstfirstfristfirstfirstfirst for garde cheerleaders cheerleadcheerleadcheerleadcheerleadcheerleadcheer firstfirstfirstfirstfirstfirstfirstfirstfirstfirstfirstfirstfirst YES. we all can do it.muu, abs, adel, sher, me, guomeng, zhiyun, charis, elmo, yiying. we'll make it through, and even if we dont, remember our quote - in the end, its the journey that matters, not the destination. (: yeap. okay, and i hope that you know, maybe by at least the end of this year mrs loy might realise that im actually sarahj and not jessica nor jessicaj. tsk. and what compliment ah jess? haha you wish! im sarah with the J. not jessica with or without the J. and to think i was expecting her to call me that when i said "water deprivation". nyeh. and next time if you're angsty and wna rant and stuff, go to syikin her random PHRASE will make you burst out laughing.(for macb kids) or if you're down or sth and wna laugh or smile, go to girija. i tell you, she'll just wipe that frown off yours. yea, i love my friends! (: i love them manymany! you, YOU and Y O U!
4/18/2006
noone but me from URL @ 6:53 PM
stars hide your fires. let not light see my black and deep desires. the eye wink at the hand, yet let that be, which the eye fears, when it is done, to see.
false face must hide what the false heart doth know. HAHA! come to my womans breasts you murder'ng ministers and take my milk for gall. -poor girija.
4/16/2006
noone but me from URL @ 11:11 PM
lwin: cheryl, you're self proclaiming, you dont rock mann. (: you're just a rocker. thanks for the encouragement anyways!
natalie: impressed? haha, im honoured then. but i think im rather incoherant. anw, go put braces! its nice! and it makes nice people of them too. i can recommend you a doctor? the same one i recommended to rupini too.
JESSICAAAA!!!!!: HA. i like your phrases. and i think you are funny. but i still think you are disgusting. tsk. fat and short is NOT equals cute, neither is mediocre height and fat.
marli: haha. cheem? hmm. ya la, you rock, happy? (: no matter how many secs of my life i waste, i like walking to sch with you!
patricia: haha. i think your logics arh; heh. but still, perfection? hmm.
kathleen: you're just being lame. HAHA.
--
i think my tamil is better late at night.
haha, random.
anyway, HAPPY EASTER! (:
today was almost a good day! almost, yea.
especially at church! the hymns were really nice.
and i saw my pleasant looking stranger.
heh, he's NOT pleasant looking i just realised.
please la, he is now almost botak and looks like ronaldo.
xp ( i prefer his old hair!)
but the thing is, he still makes me smile.
so he can be my seemingly pleasant stranger! (:
and my brother knows him! like not knowknow, but knows.
he's not mixed- but eurasion.
and i know his name! (:
WOOHOO okay!
whatever, im not obsessed;
he just makes me smile
anyhow. it made my mood. and at my aunt's house, all my relatives made me smile more.
i love my family.
and i just realised sth.
perfection can never be perfect;
in the sense of being universally recognised.
cos its each to their own.
what may be perfect to me, mayn't be to you.
so in the end, nothing'll end up perfect.
cos there'll always be someone to tell you how sth is imperfect.
hmm ya. nowonder they say nothing is perfect.
how can it be, unless you and the rest of the world are one.
which is like, HA.
OKAY.
again, evidently im tired.
may the next week be good for you! (:
4/14/2006
noone but me from URL @ 11:03 PM
hmm.
okay, i seriously don't know what i wna blog about.
maybe except that im thankful for next week?
only macbeth test, and fri's a short day.
with the exception of sports day, where i'll be TRYING to RUN 800m.
and positively DIE after that because,
no1) i cannot sprint 2 rounds.
no2) i absolutely cannot
no3) it wont even help if i believe i can.
no4) im gna throw my face in front of manymany people. people who will be cheering me on, when its so obvious that im gna lose. DUH
well, losing my face doesnt really matter, i guess.
for THREEI for GARDE.
SHEESH. and sher, bribe me with CHOCS to complete the race. RAHH.
oh well. OH WELL.
okay, another would be syf!
yay, i miss doing armdrills. though the ones we're doing are different. okay, very different. haha, when doing hormat can see so many people's hands sticking out. heh. (: but i like. and we'll be shooting full de jour' in front of PM! okay. haa.
unneccessary.
oh, no1 too!
erm. oh ya, im screwin all the tests i did so far?
and, i LOVE school. no matter how much i dread going to school, once im there i dont regret at all. even as soon as i walk to school i dont regret. i think my friends ROCK. yeap, if you're reading this, you ROCK. dont get too ego huh?
they make me smile. isnt that the most important?
or they wna make me smile when im not.
they warm my heart.
YAY(:
okay, hasnt this been a gay post?
and i choose to live in denial. cos i'd rather not deal with it till im forced to.
tell me im weak. i'll accept. but make sure that you who tell me that, are strong.
else, go away.
anyway, on another random note; i think that living in denial isn't as it is stereotyped.
i dont think its all that unhealthy.
cos sometimes when you're in denial you actually are so successful at it that you forget. you forget about the mask you're trying to wear, and actually become that happy-mask. and when you do, your happiness, your smile comes straight from the heart. a sharp contrast than to when you choose to constantly remind yourself of your state and each time you feel the slightest sense of happiness you are probed back into reality and you wont feel happy nomore. wont that be sad?
but then again, when you live in denial and are jerked back into reality, ouch.
its just me, but i'd rather jerk back and suffer from then, rather than suffer throughout on a milder note. okay, RAMBLINGS.
i like the word " lil"
and i think perfection shoudn't be.
its mocking and us and at the same time pushin us towards nth.
they say, nth's perfect and yet there exists a word to which nothing can be labelled.
whats the point?
perhaps its to enkindle us, to push us towards perfection.
but then again, if nth's perfect, then whats the word perfection trying to push us to achieve?
as in if perfection cannot be attained, then what are we workin towards?
why does the word perfection exist then?
ha. to mock us, why dont you say.
or perhaps its that sense of satisfaction when you're close to perfection.
but then again, how would you know if you're close to perfection if you dont even know what perfection is like?
HAHA. okay, nonsense.
evidently, im tired.
and i think what will kill me for lit is my incoherance. honestly, im embarrassed. i have too many things to say, that i dont know how to.
okay, GOODBYE! (:
4/09/2006
noone but me from URL @ 10:23 PM
i don't have a BOYFRIEND lah kathleen kong!
AHAHHA! you're weird mann. like hello, i spend practically my whole life at school with you guys. hahaa. thanks though! (:
noone but me from URL @ 8:11 PM
i was going to blog about a happy entry. well guess what? a sms spoilt it. you don't have to bother reading. im just ranting cos talking wont help. and im SO SICK of it all. SO SICK. you think its easy. yea sure, a parabola on my face. the way i act like i dont care everytime you put her down in front of me. the way you always try to turn me away from her. the way you blame her for everything that goes wrong. the way you always, neverfail to tell me im wrong and you're right. you know, sometimes i dont even know why i love you. maybe its cos im guilty? and yet sometimes i dont know what im guilty off. im not doing anything wrong. YOU made the wrong decision. YOU screwed up her life, and so MINE. yea, YOU totally screwed it up. youyouyou. something i'll never forget. something that i doubt i'll ever forgive you for. i see her cry at night and it pains me. because of your effing SCREW up. i think she deserves another chance, and i dont think you do. i dont even know why i bother. they're nice to me you know. much nicer than you are. they actually do care about how their decisions affect me, UNLIKE you. you're a self centered JERK. and okay fine. you say you dont wna communicate with me. you dont want anything to do withme. and you know, i know that'll never be. i'll probably come crawling back. i love you, jerk. and you know that. you phunkin with my heart. it's delicate. yea, im not all that strong. you were right, im a emotional person. then why do you even screw with me. im your blood. you love me. then why did you do what you did, why do you do what you do. you just wasting my tears. you making me weaker. you're making our bond thinner. you're throwing us out. you've always meant a lot to me. even when you threw encyclopedias at my head, or even when you whacked me with a belt. even through all that i still loved you. i used to ignore her to be with you. i wanted to spend my time with you. and as a result, i drifted away from her. and i REGRET. im gna make it up with her. and obviously with you as well. but i just dont see the point. maybe its just the obligations of my love for you. WTH. i just dont know. i dont know why i love you. i seriously dont. i actually think i'm getting good at this. acting like i dont care. the parabola, a minimum curve. when a<0 sighhers. smile. if i dont go to sch tml, see a happy me on tuesday.
4/08/2006
noone but me from URL @ 6:37 PM
i feel so dumb. GRR. sorry patricia and natalie.
4/06/2006
noone but me from URL @ 10:09 PM
oh, on a slightly random note, this song has been playing in my head overandoveragain. And darlin' you know You make me feel so beautiful Nowhere else in the world I wanna be You make me feel so beautiful
noone but me from URL @ 9:45 PM
today. oh today.
had amaths, then ss followed by emaths tests all at one go.
TSK.
aandemathsucked.
surprisesurprise?
then during chem i dont know why, i got a bit high?
with myself.
i was having gastric pains and i think to distract i myself i got high.
-weird.
i started doing really dumb stuff, saying dumb things. right zhiyin and lichu?TSK.
and when mr.chia asked who drank eno before, i SHOT up my hand only to realise he didn't really mean for anyone to raise their hands. so paiseh. then he looked at me, and almost laughed and continued on. sheesh.
then i started SHH -ing everyone who talked. and i dont know what else i did. but when he was talking abt acids and alkali to neutralise, BOY was i craving for some alkali to neutralise the acids in my stomach. GRR.
then when the bell rang, darn pain. tsk. luckily went down to eat soon.
then nxt was novelty race.
NOVELTY RACE! AHAHAHH!
so many people of significance around. i was the last bouncer and i fell thrice. on my knees, which are now, bruised. HA. and we ran well for the 10x80. its not our fault, and im proud of 3i for putting in their best, together.
okay then me and nish went to watch the tl drama, not bad i guess.
and suddenly, i realise why am i pouring evryth out? SHEESH.
im tired.
i think know feel the truth hurts.
well, the thing is that im gna deal with it from now on.
i shall have my ways.
i will do it, cos im just sick of it all.
after all, hey-
" FOR YOU AND ME, THE SUN WILL SHINE ONE DAY"-
i have FAITH.
and i have GOD.
4/05/2006
noone but me from URL @ 9:29 PM
hello. i've finsihed my ss, moving on to emaths. im here cos otherwise i'd have fallen asleep. or i just might fall asleep later on. oh, but i wanted to say sth. my BROTHER DEAREST, completed his 2.4km in, TEN minutes TWENTYEIGHT seconds. for those of you who are slow, its, 10:28min. talk about us being slow. gahh. SYF 06' GOH! (:
noone but me from URL @ 9:29 PM
hello. i've finsihed my ss, moving on to emaths. im here cos otherwise i'd have fallen asleep. or i just might fall asleep later on. oh, but i wanted to say sth. my BROTHER DEAREST, completed his 2.4km in, TEN minutes TWENTYEIGHT seconds. for those of you who are slow, its, 10:28min. talk about us being slow. gahh. SYF 06' GOH! (:
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